I’m just a ghost,
Nonexistent.
I’m just a shadow,
Fading away.

My heart bleeds,
For what you said,
My soul thrashed
I’m as good as dead.

My eyes yearn,
For a smile on your face,
My ears beg,
To hear you call out my name

My hands long,
To comfort you,
To let you know
How much I’ve missed you.

It’s been so long,
You’re far away,
While you were gone,
My heart went astray

Maybe one day,
You’ll come back,
Come back the same,
As the boy who I once knew.

The boy who laughed,
The boy who smiled,
The boy who cares,
The boy which I once loved.

Now you’re a killer,
Creating disaster,
Tense and cold,
I just can’t get a hold.

You’re silent,
You don’t say a thing.
But when you do,
All it does is sting.

You’re a killer,
Because you’ve killed,
3 things.
My heart, my body, my soul.


You killed me,
I bet you’re happy,
You took my life,
I’m just glad it was you.

I was hurt,
Still hurt.
Appalled,
Devastated.

I think I know,
Why I feel the way,
I currently do,
Is it because,
I love you?

Koh kim hai,
Three words,
You hurt me,
Three words,

I am sorry,
Three words
It was you,
Three words,

I hate you,
Three words.
All for you,
Three words,

Because of you,
Three words.
I love you,
Three words

Three words,
All it takes,
To express to you,
My deepest feelings.

Three words,
To let you know,
That I regret,
Not being with you.

I’ll try, I’ll try,
To forget who you are
I can’t, I know I can’t,
Cos you’ve made your mark on me

I cried, I’ll cry,
Myself to sleep,
Wondering what I did,
To end up in this shit.

I’ll wonder,
If I’ll ever get over,
The boy I once knew,
I don’t think it’s true.

What do I do,
When I see you,
I don’t know why,
You threw me away.

Am I that bad?
I don’t know that,
Maybe I am,
I can never tell.

The only thing
I know is true,
Is that you killed me,
Yet I love you.



imsorry.
you broke my heart,
reopened the wounds that were once healed

i asked.do you hate me?
you said.."you dont exist, whats there to hate"

(my heart gets let down)

i said.."so im like a ghost to you?"
you said.."sorry, my screen keeps sending these wierd messages but noones there"

(my heart beats slowly, absorrbing every word)

you said.."nothing happened. thats the point"
i said.."so its just me?"
you said " am i talking to anyone else?"

(tears starts to form in my eyes)

you said.." like, no. we cant be friends that kind of no"
i asked.."why?"
you simply said.."just cause"

(my heart breaks futher, a tear dropped down my cheek)

i said... "oh. ok. uh ok. i miss you. once youve decided that im not just some non existing ghost.. maybe a 'hi' someday would be awesome. a hi with ur happy last-year face who is radiating happy not the silent,sombre,emo mood. sorry if i had ever done anything wrong"

you said, "nope, not happening"
"never?"
"not now" you said, "not this year"
"someday u will right? next year? the year after?" i replied with a broken heart, with a slight sense of hope.
you said "no, not even when we graduate"

(this is when you smashed my heart, ripped my soul;stealing it from me. this is when i start to cry, i couldnt believe youll do such a thing"

to end it off, i said...
bye. maybe if youre 70 plus or something. drop by someday,

the worst part of this, was the very moment you said,
"maybe i'll have dementia and i'lll forget you forever"

(and this is when i lost it, this was when i lost myself, this was when i broke down. i never want to forget you. you meant a lot to me. you really did. i loved you, still loving you but not in that way, still want you there in my life. it hurt worse than anything that ive ever been through. youve always been the reason why i hurt. you hurt me, but i still want you there. why? i dont know. i really dont. you really flipped me over, and i dont know why i let you. what will happen if i see you again? i dont know. i dont want to know. all i know is that everytime i see you, or hear your name, i feel the recovered pieces of my heart breaking off again)

HUXIAN! ....

B.R.A.S!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ok. inside joke=DD

anyway i was damn stupid in physics today.
we were doing mixtures/compounds/elements thing
and i put

seawater=sea + water-.-"""
its supposed to be salt+ water and i didnt even realise it ah!

and i wrote "bras" instead of "brass!"
but that was on purpose and a whole different story

and ritesh made me fall in love with britney spears-if you seek amy

say it fast and join it up..
ifyouseekamy
but say it as...
eff you see kay me
f-u c-k me.

so its like.. love me hate me say what you want about me, all of the boys and all of the girls are begging to if you seek amy (f-u-c-k) me.

as said by ritesh... GENIUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
im so happy=)
hello!
HAD SEX ED TODAY!
it was boring-.-"
but i think the my groups skit was damn nice!!!

let me type it out

me: hello, meet me at voiddeck (im the bf!)
veena: ok! *tralalala,,, im gonna meet my bf!!!*
(i walked in with another girl)
veena: hi!!! somethingsomething... WHO IS THAT BLOODY....
me:"SLAP!"
veena:falls to the ground
me: you lousy girlfriend! i do soo many thing for you already you still dont want to have sex with me!!! useless! i found a better girlfriend already!!"
(walks away with my new girl)
=DDD

so good or not?? =DDDD
omg im trying to do all the malay homework...
but somehow i ended/end up doing something else
which in this case is playing all the lame games on the internet
bleahh

this shows that i have a very short attention span of only about an average of 3 mins.
im fine, perfectly fine...

im definately lying
i got scolded yesterday cos i "eat to noisily"
great.
so lets have a happy post today.
chinese new year celebrations!!!
sooo school was half day due to results.
the concert was real cool-NOT!
but jasmine was! hahaha
and the sec 4s sitting behind were.. ANNOYING.
like seriously-.-" can someone tell them to grow up?
bleah
went home alone cos apparently everyone went everywhere and no one went home except for me
and the tkg ppl didnt reply my smses which kinda pissed me off
haha
ok.
ive made a chinese new year resulution poeple.!
i shall be more optimistic and nonsensical
whoohoo!
and fav show is on again! -IVE GOT MY LIFE BACK

and i realise that i dont watch tv because of the storyline or acting(maybe acting) but i watch for visual appeal..
im terrible=D
hey people..
chinese new year tomorrow.. so i plan not to sleep today..
so that i can sleep 2mr during the concert
i always wait up late for a certain someone to come online...
but she never appears online. great.
so far, ive failed social studies test, passed both compostions, passed some grammer thing,
so i think im not so screwed yet.
i realised that staring at the laptop blindly surfing through random websites is bad for your eyes
took damn long for me to sign in to blgger cos i forgot whether i changed the email to my new email. apparently i didnt.


homework getting more
time management worse...
exhaustion level higher
forgetfullness is damn high
(i forgot to eat recess today cos i tot i ate it b4 i went toilet)

school is bad for your health
pissed off.

sometimes, you just want to get over the past.
it took you long, but you finally did,
its been a while and youre happy,
then comes along this dark evil soul,
whose words takes you right back to the moments you finally forgotten,
making you re-live the terrifying experiance by memory
and it affects you terribly.

im currently visiting that place again..
haunted once more..

this is why i love school-
i love my friends to death,
and i get so distracted that "happy" little place
fades in the back for a while.
im abstaining myself from yelling out certain things right now.

if i could, honestly, i would rather live in school.
its more fun and theres no one to nag at me.

adults always say..."Teenagers these days are so (word)"
and most of the time, these words are negative.
people only look at the negative parts of us.
i shall name a few examples:

1) Sam used to get F9 for his subjects. soon, he gets.. D7.
but does anyone praise him for his improvement? maybe the teachers would because theyre paid to do so. but his parents?
im sure they wont notice the improve in marks.
most probably they will start screaming their heads off because he still failed.
and he will get demoralized and drop to F9 again.

2) How about all the kids that are "wild"?
Sure they come home late and reek of smoke.. Parents scold them, yell at them, beat them.
it would be nice if one day, they could just welcome their kid and be thankful that they actually went back home safe and sound. so what if they get cancer or die early. its their choice. yell at them, no point.

3) I went home today with my skirt "shortened" but was still of acceptable length. Just walked home from PP, tired and looking forward to just relax. But what happens when i get to the door? Get scolded. yelled at because..."my skirt is getting shorter". its not short. So obviously i was pissed. Yelling mom+a pissed me= a very pissed me. So i wonder... maybe she should be thankful that i actually am wearing my school uniform properly, and wearing the skirt and not parading around in my underwear. Because after getting yelled at..i felt like doing that. Running around in the playground outside with only underwear on.
First, it was "no shorts".. fine, that was acceptable.
Then, "skirt too short".
Next?? "buy a sch skirt that touches your ankles?"

4) After school-which is positively stressing because of the HIGH standards that teachers and parents set. The piling amount of homework, plus the need to revise for all the upcoming tests that seem to be never-ending and not to mention all the long hours of supplementry and CCA. We come home to relax, chill.. but all we get is some b.s from parents that we have to "do our homework" done? "revise" done? "Are you sure you revise? then i expect A1 from you"
so we talk back "you take the exam lah! see whether you get A1"
and we get sent to our room.
maybe one day, they will see it as
"thank goodness my child is enrolled in a school, has an education, even though its secondary school" because many kids out there dont have proper education.
cut us some slack.
and at least we attend school and not cut it. Not to say that we pretend to go to school but actually is at some LAN gaming place or something.
Even if we are there...just thank God were alive.
If you wish we rather die?
then let us do whatever we want.

5) Parents are always telling us that they sacrifice a lot for us. Yes, i can understand that. and can see that. But they never seem to notice that we sacrifice for them too. Just because we are younger and are "children" doesnt mean were your free labour. Plus the homework and all.. They still want us to do things like "Make me a cup of milk".."put back the phone".. "fix the clock".."pick up your brother". its simple yes.. and we can do it. But we have a choice Not to do it. but we do it anyway.
Parents also say that.." All i want from you is to study hard and be successful"
what they really mean is..
"i want you to top the class"
"i want you to go to good university"
"i want you to come home early every day"
"i want you to attend all these tuition"
"i want you to dress like a nerd so that you look presentable to my generation but look terrible to those of our own"
"i want you to study instead of listening to music"
"stupid tv. waste your time only. do something more worthwile"
"Dont waste food"
"Do your chores"
and thosse unspoken rules like..
"after dinner is family time. if youre not there, you die and i will nag at you"

and how about those ironies?
like...
"i dont want to nag at you but..." (starts to nag)
"its all for your own good" (but in the end it makes us worse)
"Its about what you want" (its about what they want for us because they wont agree to what we want)
"come,lets have a little friendly talk" (its a long talk and someone ends up crying)

and those words that dont need to be said
"sometimes i think i dont know you anymore" (cos you dont take the effort to)
"since when have you started liking(band,clothes)???" (since you stopped paying attention to me
"sometimes, i feel that you dont appreciate me" (we do. but you dont appreciate us)
"i love you" (thank you for doing that for me..)
"good job" (we know theres a hidden meaning in there-better not slack)

we all need a happier world.

-that was long and i dont expect any of you to finish reading every single word.-




mom,dad, i still love you very much, but you dont understand the way i work.

seriously.. we need a better world. not a perfect world. thats impossible..
still sick. gosh.
cant breathe properly...

wow. i took bloody long to complete Amath,math and bio..
like 3 hours total? and it was like..
not to say a lot of questions...
8 amath of which 3 i had no clue to do
8 math which 1 i couldnt do (due to consistent careless mistakes)
bio needed much reference to the textbook.

so its realllyyy stressing.
cos im not used to doing homework all the time =/
haisz..
shooting tomorrow..
should i go? bleah
sick.
theres a chain of flu-passers around the class.


i feel like shit.
ok apparently..a lot of poeple in my class is catching the flu bug...

argh. maybe ill get a fever tomorrow so that i wont have to go to school.

seriously i was like zonked out during the first 8 periods,

especially physics.

like zomg i was scared to blink cos i knew that i wouldnt be able to open my eyes..

and everything that the teacher told me went one-in one-out.

even my partner noticed. bleah.

she asked"are u sleepy?"

hahah.

duh.

i think if the teacher commanded us to sleep,

i would sleep in a snap.



somehow..i only woke up during math.

after that i managed to live through chemistry then english supplementry.

wah sia damn tired.

sony vio=D

black! emo emo ahsz.. lol

my sis has the pink one! =)

bleah. hehehe

yay=)

yes..school is getting really annoying.

HURRAY for today!
no homework that needs to be handed up the next day and no supplementry!
WHOOHOOO!

today went parkway with alvin, glenn, shu tong and anthony
damn fun.
took a long time to decide where to eat..ended up at KFC.
we forced alvin to throw away the rubbish to make tihngs easier 4 the cleaners but in the end he dropped it at the dustbin-.-"

then went to popular get stuff.
i tihnk i saw sunshines sister..i think.
then back to parkway where we went to comics connection
and me and alvin<3 went to isetan
while the other 2 went somewhere

THENNN.
ate at SWENSENS!
ice cream=D
we had like the "topless 5"
ice cream brownie
and one chocolate shake.
NICE BODOH
and it cost us about 3 bucks per head
except alvin who treated us the brownie

ALVIN spilt his water at the first table.
so we had to shift.
and i tihnk the waiters/waitresses were annoyed at us.
hahaha
we made A LOT of noise \
and
most of the ice cream ended up on the table!
it was damn fun
most fun i had in a long time since sch re-opened
then went home at 5 sharp!
im amazing!!!!!!!!!
yes, i am.
its killing me=o

math is killing me

i cant do ANY of the a.math question.

everyone.. "GASP NOW!"

yes im so terrible.

and unfit.
OK. im officially hating sec 3 life.
lets take a look at my timetable!!!

monday:
f.t admin
chemistry x2
social stuides x2
recess
english x2
add math x2
biology x2

after sch.. add math/math supplementry till.. 4.30.

teusday:
chemistry
pe
physics
math x2
recess
add math
geography elective x2
english x2

after sch.. chem and physics supplementry till .. 4

wednesday:
mother tongue x2
math
biology
recess
add math lecture x2
english x2
assembly x2

after school.. geography/humans supplementry till idk when

THURSDAY
special activities(malay)
mother tongue x2
biology x2
recess
physics x2
math
chemistry x2

after school.. BIOLOGY ( take note of all the sciences i have today)

friday:
mother tongue x2
character educatioin x2
pe x2
recess
physics x2
english

finish at 6.30 due to npcc

and the HOMEWORK is amazing.
1st day already jialat.
and these are the homework that need to think.. do and re-do, and re-do and re-do
cos i cant ever get the simplest of Amath questions right.
arent i amazing?
and it took m 25 mins to do 4 damn short questions of biology.

NO TIME TO PLAY!!
the teachers are shortening my youth! NOOOOO
hey. 1st day of sch=SUCKS SUCKS SUCKS
soo many lectures al the same
but i love where im sitting
and i mis 2C08
and they said that everyday must stay back for supplementry
WTH.
im hating sec 3 already
cant it be like sec 2???
im not up for stress-at all.
thursday i have... ALL chemistry/bio/physics in one day
how sad is that?
devastating
but the people are nice-thats great.
but argh
IM never gonna survive, never
i hate it. haaate it.'
yes im a whiner... cos i hate it
why? because i do.,.,.,.,.,.,.,
damndamndamn.
o level malay this year
krap. and it suxx
gahhh
happy new year!!!!
sorry a bit late ehh. heheh.
2008s over-unbelievable.
believe it or not.. 2008 has been the bestest year of my ENTIRE life.
i met new friends, re-friended old ones..
its really great.
new experiances,
all the heartaches
and stomacheache from too much laughter..
too good to last.

this is what i figured out in 2008.
1) i am still very shy especially in front of people that i know, but dont know-know in person
2) i still hate homework
3)i still love britney spears
4) i could do with being less of an ass

ok/.... theres a lot more but yeah.

the bestest things that happened to me in 2008:
1) class chalet. super fun!!! learnt more about people..(and that boys still leave their underwear around)
2) school friends! whats life without them mann?
soo. thank you to..
a) gwen-for being the craziest person and the funnest person and the rockingest person ever
b) jiaying- babe you know i love you!
c) kim hai, kevin- for being like my korkors
d) alvin and hongxiang- for being irritating yet caring at the same time..
e) adam- joker siaaa
f) ian-for making me realise i have a sense of humor
g) i love all of you guys okay!

3) outside school friends!
lets start with the neighbour...
a) khaleedah!- i think i only knew you this year but heck you rock my ass off! and you know that
b) syasya!- hey babe you know youre sexy and thats good
c)alyana- thanks for being the whack in whacko!
then move to the 2nd nearest sch...
d) illya!- babe youre like the another sister i had always wanted
e) maya!- maya rock on ah..
f) najiba!- emo! dont pretend luh kayyy. =)
g) fathin- hey hottayeee.
then to somewhere further
h) sofea!- nothing to say. you really rock
i) tashryn!- books, jap guys... totally awesome!
j) ok. i cant think...

WORST thing that ever happened to me.
1) SUFIAN. hah! fish off you
2) ouch......hard to recall

yeah. i looove 2008.
2009. what brings? i dont know... hahahah

what disclaimer?

TKSS
NPCC/shooting
05041994
emotionally-drained@hotmail.com



loves
britney spears
green/orange/black
slacking
being random
having quiet moments
stalking
having fun


hates
exams.


get into VJSG
flat stomach
a basketball
soccer ball
school bag
new phone
clothes
more clothes
get into 4A'09
get over love

take me with you

tagg to be linked

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Hui Xian(samster)
Jasmine(cassandra)
Jeanette
Jiaqing
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Justin
Kak fini
Kak Sufie
Kevin
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Marcus
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