Sunday, December 07, 2008, 4:11 AM
no point crying over split milk.
milk will one day be spoilt anyway.
no point crying, no point hurting
hes not going to come back anyway
maybe he will.
but im hoping he wont.
sure the first few moments of realisation brings on pain and agony
but later when theres time to thinkthe pain deteriorates slowly,
then comes to a halt.
but the memories and flashbacks bring back the pain
what can we do?
what can i do??
i figured out that if i dont have time to think,
i wont think of her
thats good.
but if i dont think means ill do stupid things and end up falling on the sidewalk and putting salt on the wound instead of antiseptic.
keep busy.
dont let the mind wonder
.then you feel the moodswings.
from total depression to a sudden feel of numbness.
no more pain, the emotion got shut out from the brain.
work me to my limit.
when night falls, i drop fast asleep.
no time to think.
everytime someone leaves me,they take a part of me away.
more often then not, they take away my sense of shame,
my ability to feel pain
as someone leaves,
i get bolder.
daring to try what i usually will not.
i dont care how others see me
im getting numb-er and i cant feel it
i humiliate myself in front of people
but i dont care.
why?
no feeling of shame.
the need for attention
not to draw pity to myself, but to make myself realise im not invisible
then you realise
when my life is this sucky already, nothing else i do can make it suckier
then ill go around asking random people out just to get shunned away
and i laugh. why?
no more feeling left in me besides euphoria
then ill go crazy.
sadistic, finding joy in others pain
.i try to understand how people feel but i cant
.my brain cells are rotting away.
maybe by then ill have no more faith left in me
maybe ill get lucky and someone will kill me
that way, it wont be suicide
but ill be happy
.no more numbness, no more crazy
just me in the freezer, or the grave
entering a different world a different place of more pain
and this time, i cant numb myself because theres no one to leave me.
creep-radiohead
When you were here before
Couldn't look you in the eye
You're just like an angel
Your skin makes me cry
You float like a feather
In a beautiful world
And I wish I was special
You're so very special
But I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here
I don't care if it hurts
I want to have control
I want a perfect body
I want a perfect soul
I want you to notice
When I'm not around
You're so very special
I wish I was special
But I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here
She's running out the door
She's running outrun, run, run, run,run
Whatever makes you happy
Whatever you want
You're so very special
I wish I was special
But I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here
I don't belong here
