like a knife

Friday, January 30, 2009, 6:21 AM

you broke my heart,
reopened the wounds that were once healed

i asked.do you hate me?
you said.."you dont exist, whats there to hate"

(my heart gets let down)

i said.."so im like a ghost to you?"
you said.."sorry, my screen keeps sending these wierd messages but noones there"

(my heart beats slowly, absorrbing every word)

you said.."nothing happened. thats the point"
i said.."so its just me?"
you said " am i talking to anyone else?"

(tears starts to form in my eyes)

you said.." like, no. we cant be friends that kind of no"
i asked.."why?"
you simply said.."just cause"

(my heart breaks futher, a tear dropped down my cheek)

i said... "oh. ok. uh ok. i miss you. once youve decided that im not just some non existing ghost.. maybe a 'hi' someday would be awesome. a hi with ur happy last-year face who is radiating happy not the silent,sombre,emo mood. sorry if i had ever done anything wrong"

you said, "nope, not happening"
"never?"
"not now" you said, "not this year"
"someday u will right? next year? the year after?" i replied with a broken heart, with a slight sense of hope.
you said "no, not even when we graduate"

(this is when you smashed my heart, ripped my soul;stealing it from me. this is when i start to cry, i couldnt believe youll do such a thing"

to end it off, i said...
bye. maybe if youre 70 plus or something. drop by someday,

the worst part of this, was the very moment you said,
"maybe i'll have dementia and i'lll forget you forever"

(and this is when i lost it, this was when i lost myself, this was when i broke down. i never want to forget you. you meant a lot to me. you really did. i loved you, still loving you but not in that way, still want you there in my life. it hurt worse than anything that ive ever been through. youve always been the reason why i hurt. you hurt me, but i still want you there. why? i dont know. i really dont. you really flipped me over, and i dont know why i let you. what will happen if i see you again? i dont know. i dont want to know. all i know is that everytime i see you, or hear your name, i feel the recovered pieces of my heart breaking off again)